7 Poems

By Brian Alan Ellis

Soon as the extra strength bottles of Febreze I ordered off of Amazon arrive, it’s over for you bitches

My sheets smell like urine
& I can’t tell if the cat did it
or if I drunkenly pissed my bed
in some half-sleep stupor, so
I am going to do
what any self-respecting
garbage person would do, 
which is blame someone
and/or
something else.

Your crippling inferiority complex or mine?

Uber:   

Where to?

Me:   

Oh, just drop me off on the corner of Making the Same Mistakes Avenue and Expecting Different Results Drive. And step on it!

Remembering the last good night’s sleep you had vs. remembering all the last good nightmares you had: a drinking game

Anxiety before depression,
you’re pretty sure you might be dying;
depression before anxiety,
never getting out of bed again.

Will the real “woke” people constantly deactivating then reactivating their Facebook accounts who think they are better than me please stand up, please stand up

Pulled myself away from the Internet
long enough to do the dishes.
Now I’m rewarding myself
by going back on the Internet.

Hot Take

I’ve never seen the inside of a gym,
nor have I ever seen the inside
of someone named Jim,
but check back.

All Dogs Go to Heaven 666

 

Sure,
all dogs go to heaven.
Unless they’re gay,
Satan-worshiping dogs,
in which case
let’s all go to hell
and party.

That feeling when both your negative and positive personalities put their differences aside in order to join forces and create something either magical or completely ill-advised

Don’t give up.

You need to continue being miserable

just so you can give other miserable people

the strength to go on being miserable.

Easy.

BRIAN ALAN ELLIS is the author of several books, including Sad Laughter (Civil Coping Mechanisms, 2018) and Some­thing to Do with Self-Hate(House of Vlad Produc­tions/Talking Book, 2017). His writing has appeared at JukedHobartMonkeybicycleFanzineElectric LiteratureVol. 1 Brooklyn,FunhouseHeavy Feather Review, and Queen Mob’s Tea House, among other places. He lives in Florida, and tweets sad and clever things at both @brianalanellis and @HouseofVlad

HELLO

THE ONE THING I THINK ABOUT WHILE DRIVING FASTER THAN 300KM/H

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